Networking. I can actually see the word sending shivers down some peoples’ spines. While everyone understands that networks provide tremendous professional value, investing time in the activity of building and maintaining a vibrant network of relationships is something many of us tend to put on the back burner – like eating greens and daily exercise. Here’s a sampling – by no means exhaustive – of some of the typical comments I hear from clients (and friends, too!) about networking:
“Networking comes across as self-serving and it feels slimy, like I’m out for personal gain. It makes me feel sleazy and inauthentic.”
“I already keep in touch with a good number of people in my professional circle and industry, what’s the value of branching out?”
“I hate asking for anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable and manipulative.”
If this is how you viewed networking, you’d probably be unlikely to put it at the top of your to-do list, too. Given how essential a healthy network is to career success today, I want to offer a more generous framework for thinking about and approaching networking to dispel these common assumptions, as well as some best practices you can begin trying out right away.
Assumption #1 – Networking means using people.
Underlying the belief that networking is sleazy is an assumption that real relationships are not deliberately cultivated or mutually leveraged, but must be “pure” and evolve spontaneously. In their new book, How Women Rise, Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith point out that women in particular often have self-defeating ideas that prevent them from developing stronger networks. One common culprit is an “either / or“ mindset – as in, I’m either a nice, trustworthy, respectable person who develops relationships organically or I’m a strategic Machiavellian user. Helgesen and Goldsmith point out that this is a false choice, and that in work life it makes sense to cultivate different types of relationships that deliver different types of benefits. This either/ or mindset is unpacked for some people when they realize they are perfectly willing to leverage relationships and act in a way they would normally characterize as calculating when there is a good cause (such as reaching out on behalf of someone on their team, or for a friend) but that the discomfort arises only when they think about leverage for their own self-interest.
So how to break out of this self-limiting mentality? Remind yourself that networking should always be reciprocal and win-win. Take some time to really assess the value you bring to the table and how others might appreciate your sharing industry knowledge and experience, or see your resources or connections as valuable. Gifts that you offer your network might be literal gifts (event tickets, discounts, access to thought leadership, introductions) or more intangible, such as your bright future, diverse background or simply being a young person with your finger on the pulse of Generation Z, or bringing a fresh perspective to a more senior yet more insulated colleague or connection.
Assumption #2 – I should know someone well to network with them, and it’s better to focus on my strong connections.
It seems like the easiest place to start when networking is with the people you know best. Recent research has shown that close workplace ties do serve an important function for active jobseekers. In the current marketplace, with personal recommendations now carrying significantly more weight than in the past for candidates to stand out from volumes of applicants, they now may be the more direct route to getting that next job.
While the stakes seem lower and the comfort level higher with those you know well, there is a demonstrated value in also casting a wider net and reaching further to second and third-degree contacts. These “weak ties” are in fact critical, particularly for professionals looking to expand their possibilities or pivot to different functions, industries or careers. Benefits of reaching out to distant ties include access to a greater diversity of ideas and resources, a less inbred network and better links to potential connectors. Additionally, while people who know you well are more likely to have you labeled (the lawyer, the finance whiz, the art expert, etc.) and may even be invested in you maintaining that identity, more distant contacts are considerably less tied to your past or current title and can be better brainstorming partners about new opportunities, now or somewhere in your future.
Assumption #3 – I need to have an ask or it’s not networking.
Networks shrivel when they aren’t cultivated and nurtured, and it’s hard to stay motivated when you’re not looking for an immediate return. Even in job-search mode, it’s easy to get stuck with the idea that you need an ask to make the networking worthwhile either for you or your contact. This idea of outright solicitation can feel either uncomfortable or too binding, so it’s easier to avoid networking altogether.
So, how do you keep your networking moving forward when a specific request just doesn’t feel right yet? Shifting your perspective to one of curiosity can be key. Thinking about networking as an opportunity to simply explore and gather information with nothing further attached can remove that mental barrier to entry. Adopting a viewpoint where you can do preliminary research and then indulge your inner Oprah by asking lots of questions also just seems more fun. In addition to indulging your curiosity, the idea of playing a role, and preparing for your “scene” beforehand, can be a helpful mindset shift to move away from the discomfort of networking.
Whether you are currently looking to leverage your network for a new job or simply thinking of all the other benefits a strong and dynamic network can give you, it pays to find ways to make it happen. If you struggle with the idea of networking, reexamining your mindset and finding another perspective just might help move you forward.
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