When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
In speaking to clients over the past couple of weeks, almost everyone has asked the same questions: How should I be using this time now that the goals and plans I had suddenly no longer seem relevant? How are others approaching this unprecedented uncertainty? One thing that is consistent for all of us is that the Covid-19 pandemic is testing our resilience. On the one hand it is healthy to mourn the loss of normalcy and of plans and goals that no longer seem relevant and to acknowledge the grief you may be feeling. At the same time, how can we consciously cultivate resilience and not only accept challenging circumstances, but rise above them?
Looking at our past experiences holds some clues. Early on in my engagements with clients I gather a full life history, delving into the peaks and valleys of each person’s life and experiences, both the good and bad. Taking stock and looking at life from a distance, people can see in hindsight how they persevered and even shined during trying times. Inevitably, with distance, individuals are able to bounce back and reflect with gratitude and wisdom to see the opportunities in what seemed to be negative experiences.
But we don’t have to wait until a difficult period is in the rear-view mirror to see what positives arise. In the Taoist ying-yang symbol, the forces of a dark and a bright side coexist representing balance in the universe. In that spirit, when we are feeling the downward pull of a negative situation, we can push ourselves to find the gifts in these situations as well. This is not merely feel-good Pollyanna talk but based in neuroscience — that you can actually use your mind to change your brain. An exercise I do with clients (from the wonderful book Positive Intelligence ) challenges them in a negative situation to find 3 gifts. As I tell clients- this is very hard! This is difficult if you’re dealing with an adverse situation at work, and especially true when dealing with massive layoffs, life or death circumstances or disaster of any magnitude. Yet even in these dire situations, opportunities or gifts are available to us if we choose to look for them. Here are my 3 gifts for the current coronavirus situation:
- Technology has emerged as a gift both personally and professionally, and in some surprising ways. As someone who values and prefers face to face interactions, I could not have imagined the joy I would get from a live online yoga class this week. I’m thrilled that many clients I used to see in person have seamlessly moved to remote coaching. And, it was a surprise Zoom party that allowed me to share my 50th birthday last week with 30 close friends from across the globe. Seeing their faces on my screen was as thrilling as if they’d walked into my living room.
- Isolation has created an opportunity for my 11-year old to develop some real life skills. During this time at home he has learned how to wash and fold his own laundry. He has become more attentive to his school assignments since everything has moved online, and he has had to learn how to scan, send and upload school documents. He will likely always remember when and how he acquired these skills and use them for years to come.
- On a broader and less personal note, I hope that this pandemic serves a higher purpose of helping our city, state, and federal governments and agencies better prepare for future disasters and that the decisions, methods and logistics being employed today will be scrutinized for any lessons learned. I hope that there is a gift of a safer tomorrow because of the frightening and unpredictable illness and loss of life today.
So, let me challenge you here: what are your 3 gifts from the current situation?
